LLL and Satan Pants

Wrote this for Sisterhood Six but I'm posting this here too... I have no idea if I'm in breach of contract but felt like sharing anyway.

The other day I stumbled across a blog of a great, smart, young-ish mama who writes a lot of interesting stuff about mothering. In her post she wrote about attending a La Leche League meeting... and one of the comments it generated was the story of a mama who went to a meeting to get some ideas and validation as she was finding it hard to pump sufficiently while at work to leave her baby with bottles of 100% mama milk. Her solution to her quandry - and a good one I thought - was to cut her good stuff with a bit of formula (4oz breastmilk:1oz formula or similar...). Now, I'm thinking sensible mama. Good for you. Instead she was confronted with a bunch of mamas who were upset with her (even minimal) supplementing (gasp!). The author of the original post was confronted with a LLL'er upset with her failure to diaper her baby in cloth, rather than disposables. Long story made short: That LLL meeting lost a mama who was a) looking for reassurance and support and b) reinforced a stereotype that all mamas who nurse and cloth diaper or cosleep or whatever are fruity nutjobs.

Right there is where hard-core mamas go wrong. What they should have said was: "Hey, good for you for doing your best. If you want some ideas on how to maybe boost your supply a bit then let's talk. In the meantime would you like some cake, or tofu granola (the thought that counts, people!)?" Instead they alienated and probably made that mama feel bad (to whatever extent) when she was doing the best she could. In addittion they got a healthy dose of "get stuffed" posted on a well read blogsite. Which in turn probably drove a few more mamas away. Who won that skirmish? No one.

In my short almost 4 years as a mama I have learned nothing if not that Mamas are our own worst enemies. I'm learning swiftly that there are only a couple of subjects that I feel strongly enough to outright challenge the right of a parent to do... and those things involve irrevocable physical harm to children or to mothers. Everything else, really is fair game and open to myriad ways of managing how you birth, feed, diaper, rest or whatever your kids. Do I think breastfeeding is best? Yep I do. And I think that much more can and should be done on all levels to support women to provide their babies with breastmilk. I'm all over helping that to happen. Do I think disposable diapers are pretty nasty for the environment? Yeah I do. I wouldn't go so far as to call them "satan pants" (seriously, read the blog entry) but I understand that as a parent you have to make some decisions based on how easy/hard will this make your already hectic existance. My way of dealing with that is to use cloth as much as I can and disposables when I can't.

I'm always a little surprised and, ok I admit it, jealous when a first time client of mine takes to breastfeeding without batting an eyelash. For some women this stuff is easy and boy do I think they are the lucky ones! I've seen both sides of the equation and for me nursing was really never easy. It got easier yep, but never easy. For most women I think breastfeeding is, at least sometimes, challenging. I quit the first time around and man, that was one of the toughest decisions I ever had to make. I love it when mamas beat the odds and manage to continue nursing when others quit. Love it. But that has to be done by supporting and encouraging, NEVER judging or criticizing!

You can read her post and the comments here. Now, I have to say in defence of LLL that the meetings I attended were not all-out hippie fests, a few birkies were in the room but there were also some really kickin' Kate Spade purses. You also have to allow for the fact that at LLL meetings you are likely to be exposed to encounter women who are still nursing 3 and 4 year olds. Remember, it's one of only a few safe places for extended nursers to be. Most LLL meetings are full of women who are really just like us, everyone doing something a little differently but everyone trying her hardest to be the best Mama she can. We just all need to work a little harder supporting other Mamas too.

Who was it that said there is many paths to the one truth or something???