The things you learn.
People in my town are pregnant. All over the place and most of them for the first time. I keep overhearing them chattering excitedly about the nursery they've painted and moaning happily about all the money they have spent on the furniture and the stroller and the carseats and so on. Makes me think remember how much my ideas have changed and how different our son's homecomings were.
I remember the drive home from the hospital after my first son's birth. I remember I argued with my husband as we drove home from the southside Chicago hospital where I became a mother. It was four days after he was born and I was struggling to sit, let alone walk, my bottom hurt so badly. My milk rocked up (that's Australian for arrived) on day 5. My H cup breasts overflowed their restraints and I descended into the seventh circle of hell.
The first time around we'd set up the handmade crib which was lovingly crafted by Husband's Grandpa and stacked up the nappies (that's Australian for diapers), I'd washed all the little clothes I'd received (in Dreft, of course!) as shower gifts and folded them neatly. The apartment was clean and the bottles and dummies (pacifiers) and pump stood sanitized and at the ready. Even the bibs, bowls and sippy cups were ready to go. The stroller combination we had instructed the Grandparents to buy was top of the line and was all shiny in the hallway, the carseat unsullied by spitup.
The second time around everything was different. My birth was a good 12 hrs long (but still half the time of the first), but rather than leaving me wrecked and bruised and finished as the first had, this time had left me exhilarated and though weary, confident like I'd never been of my ability to parent and of this time mastering the art of breastfeeding which I had failed so miserably at my first time. I left the hospital about 24hrs after I gave birth.
We arrived home to a home which had managed 3/4 of my time in labor, there was half eaten food about the living room, My birth ball was on the couch and the pillows and towels I'd used scattered about. The beds were unmade, the dishes undone. This time there wasn't a crib at all. The changing table had become a dresser for our first son. Baby and I moved into the second bedroom, it's single bed and a lamp on the floor for constant low light through the night as I woke up to nurse and tend to my nipples lest they became too painful to manage. The one piece of furniture we did buy was a kickin' glider rocker. An expensive one. One which many, many nights served as milk station and bed, my feet propped up on the coffee table and pillows crammed around me, baby at my breast, blanket around my shoulders.
The first time around it took all of 3 weeks for the crib to become a repository for laundry and the changing table was abandoned in favor of the couch or the bed or the floor. I think the baby bath we'd purchased got used twice before we decided the shower was more convenient. The stroller we had so carefully chosen was great for the first few months but was a huge pain in the ass as soon as you tried to mount a curb with a couple inches of snow on the ground. I learned that I have big babies and not all infant carseats are able to house linebacker shoulders for longer than about 2 weeks. Furthermore the carseats are seriously heavy and they distort babies heads (and my back!) if they are left there too long... I watched women with their babies in slings and thought "now there's an idea!". Baby #2 was slung every waking hour of my day for almost 6 months.
I know that had someone tried to tell me differently the first time around I'd have smiled politely and taken their advice "under advisement". And so I restrain myself from telling people about the list of things that you really need when you bring a baby home.
But I can post it here:
Everything else is just a distraction.
I remember the drive home from the hospital after my first son's birth. I remember I argued with my husband as we drove home from the southside Chicago hospital where I became a mother. It was four days after he was born and I was struggling to sit, let alone walk, my bottom hurt so badly. My milk rocked up (that's Australian for arrived) on day 5. My H cup breasts overflowed their restraints and I descended into the seventh circle of hell.
The first time around we'd set up the handmade crib which was lovingly crafted by Husband's Grandpa and stacked up the nappies (that's Australian for diapers), I'd washed all the little clothes I'd received (in Dreft, of course!) as shower gifts and folded them neatly. The apartment was clean and the bottles and dummies (pacifiers) and pump stood sanitized and at the ready. Even the bibs, bowls and sippy cups were ready to go. The stroller combination we had instructed the Grandparents to buy was top of the line and was all shiny in the hallway, the carseat unsullied by spitup.
The second time around everything was different. My birth was a good 12 hrs long (but still half the time of the first), but rather than leaving me wrecked and bruised and finished as the first had, this time had left me exhilarated and though weary, confident like I'd never been of my ability to parent and of this time mastering the art of breastfeeding which I had failed so miserably at my first time. I left the hospital about 24hrs after I gave birth.
We arrived home to a home which had managed 3/4 of my time in labor, there was half eaten food about the living room, My birth ball was on the couch and the pillows and towels I'd used scattered about. The beds were unmade, the dishes undone. This time there wasn't a crib at all. The changing table had become a dresser for our first son. Baby and I moved into the second bedroom, it's single bed and a lamp on the floor for constant low light through the night as I woke up to nurse and tend to my nipples lest they became too painful to manage. The one piece of furniture we did buy was a kickin' glider rocker. An expensive one. One which many, many nights served as milk station and bed, my feet propped up on the coffee table and pillows crammed around me, baby at my breast, blanket around my shoulders.
The first time around it took all of 3 weeks for the crib to become a repository for laundry and the changing table was abandoned in favor of the couch or the bed or the floor. I think the baby bath we'd purchased got used twice before we decided the shower was more convenient. The stroller we had so carefully chosen was great for the first few months but was a huge pain in the ass as soon as you tried to mount a curb with a couple inches of snow on the ground. I learned that I have big babies and not all infant carseats are able to house linebacker shoulders for longer than about 2 weeks. Furthermore the carseats are seriously heavy and they distort babies heads (and my back!) if they are left there too long... I watched women with their babies in slings and thought "now there's an idea!". Baby #2 was slung every waking hour of my day for almost 6 months.
I know that had someone tried to tell me differently the first time around I'd have smiled politely and taken their advice "under advisement". And so I restrain myself from telling people about the list of things that you really need when you bring a baby home.
But I can post it here:
- Buy thee a kickin glider rocker. The most expensive one you can afford. It will pay for itself. Trust me.
- Your bed. People who cosleep safely (and it does have to be done mindfully and carefully) don't have sleep issues so many parents complain about.
- A sling. Not a Bjorn. But if you have to then do. I don't care what you wear your baby in, just that you do. Save your money for the stroller of your husband's dreams for when your little one is too big/heavy for a sling. By that point you'll know exactly what you need in one.
- Get a carseat that your baby can be in from day one till they are 30lbs. Babies are supposed to be carried in your arms, against your body, not in a box.
- Nappies. But not too many of the tiny ones. You'll never use them all. Cloth diapers are great. They are healthier for the environment and for your baby, and contrary to the propaganda espoused by Pampers and Huggies they are actually very easy to take care of... Diaper services are lovely but you don't really need them.
- Have a couple of good pacifiers around and try your baby with them when your nursing is going ok. Or offer your own nipple if your baby wants to suck on something.
Everything else is just a distraction.
posted by Louisa at 4:33 PM
6 Comments:
Thank you for such an informative post!
I am not planning on trying to have a child for a couple of years, and I wonder if I'll be able to remember all these helpful advices when I do have a child.
Do you think that you could talk a little more about the cloth diapers...I had read a really good post from another blogger, but different opinions and tricks are always better!
Thanks!
I agree with your suggestions totally. I just bought a convertible car seat that goes from 5 to 100 lbs! I hate the baby buckets and I`m still trying to talk my husband into another sling, (we have didymos & maya wrap). Babies need so little: cloth diapers (a service is a good idea for us lazier mamas), a safe place to sleep & some boobies!
Hey Louisa,
Check this out, http://www.gdiapers.com/home
My Brother just blogged about it and thought it was interesting.
What a thoughtful post! I just recently posted how useless and wasteful most baby gadgets are. Thanks for proving my theory that the more babies you have, the more sensible you become.
Amen! I'm posting this comment sitting in the glider I used for both girls. It actually wasn't the most expensive we could afford, but it had these ticky-tacky built-in cupholders (so American!) which was lovely for those extended nursing/rocking sessions.
After 5 years, the old glider creaks like grandma's knees whenever you shift positions, but here it sits, still, bearer of much tenderness.
The glider is definitely the best piece of furniture we bought. Given the thousands of hours I've spent sitting in it over the last two years, I'm very glad we didn't skimp on it.
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