Exhaustion
About 50 straight hours of exhausting labor later, for the first time I saw a vaginal birth fail - really and truly. No matter what everyone (Mother, midwives, nurses, docs) tried (and we threw the complete, unabridged book at this one), and even though baby was happy and even appeared to be having fun throughout. That baby simply would not come...
And then I witnessed for the first time, a baby born by cesarean section.
Today though, I am exhausted. By body hurts a lot, my heart a little. I woke up this morning with a raging bilateral l eye infection and I am several days behind with homework.
Some days are like that.
And then I witnessed for the first time, a baby born by cesarean section.
Today though, I am exhausted. By body hurts a lot, my heart a little. I woke up this morning with a raging bilateral l eye infection and I am several days behind with homework.
Some days are like that.
posted by Louisa at 9:14 AM
13 Comments:
Here's to hoping a caring and warm environment was created for this mama during surgery.
Can you forward her ICAN's info?
Sucks all around...doesn't it.
Would like to hear (if you're free to discuss it) more details about why you think this happened, and how the decision was made. We hear so many stories where's it's clear the c/s was resorted to before it should have been, but not so many that help us understand when it really is necessary (aside from pre-e and emergency stuff).
As much as I've read your blog and loved it, as a woman whose midwife got too tired to support me through a long labor and "decided" on a cesarean for me (not with me)... I wince when I see something like this.
Exhaustion is such a relative thing. In my 36-hour HBAC labor, so many times I said "I am so tired, I am exhausted, I can't do this" and all it really took was someone telling me I could, being there with me, having faith.
The mind gives out before the body. And as long as the baby is happy and holding tough through the contractions... I dunno. I know it's easy for me, from here, to armchair quarterback, and that's probably not what you need/want to hear.
But I know this. I will regret until the day I die not fighting harder, because my baby might have come, if I'd had even one person telling me I could do it for a little while longer.
And I'm sure everyone's telling that woman that *her* cesarean was *necessary*. And she'll believe it for a while. And then she'll start asking questions.
From what I've read about you, here, I know you're not going to be like my midwife was; she refused to speak to me, never even came to check on me or the baby, because my cesarean was somehow her failure too. When the rage at what happened to me and my baby finally came up, about six months later, she was full of legalese to cover her "standard of care", and didn't actually hear a word I said. ::shrug:: she's not a practicing midwife any more, and I'm not the first woman she did that to, either.
I wish that woman peace with her journey. And I hope that if the time comes that she reaches for support, it's there for her.
Those who deny that sometimes vaginal birth really doesnt work are in for a long hard journey.
Midwives have to tell all the stories, not just the perfect homebirth ones. Blessings to the new family and hope your eyes are better ASAP!
Hugs Morag. I had my first call shift last week, and the woman I was caring for made it to 9 3/4 cms and still ended up with a c-section. My very first intrapartum shift. My very first intrapartum patient. I ended up standing through a csection in the middle of the night. Everything ached afterward.
Hugs to you.
LP
Why, why, why is a c-section such a failure in this community's eyes? My first c-section is 25 years old. Labor and delivery makes up .000109 percent of his life so far. He's a fuctioning successful adult, not once has his birth story been a cause for concern. After studying HBA's for the past 5 months I find many of them possess the personality criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder. So many remind me of the lonely 17 year old, pregnant,and waiting to give birth, so she can have someone to love. They have invested all of their identity into the birth, forgetting it is but .00003 percent of a person's life (based on a 24 hour labor and an 85 year life span)! Louisa, I know you won't post this but c'est la vie, thought you might find it interesting.
Cesareans have become such a difficult word for birth advocates. I have a good friend, a home birth midwife, who just gave birth to her first baby by c-section following 36 hours of labor. She was attended by several knowledgeable women but the baby just did not make it down the birth canal. All 12lbs, 24 inches of him.
Peace and blessings to both you and the new mom.
If they try to slap her with the misdiagnosis of CPD (assuming she hasn't broken her pelvis or had rickets), the new ICAN website has a page on CPD and how to VBAC if you've been given this diagnosis. Here's the link:
http://ican-online.org/vbac/cephalopelvic-disproportion-cpd
I'm curious about the details as well. Even if the c-section was appropriate given the mother's exhaustion, it's a serious thing to make the assumption that the mother or her body failed. With my first, I didn't even *begin* to dilate until 50 hours into labor, despite having had painful contractions strong enough that I did not sleep for two nights; the baby was out six hours later. Having read enough stories about how such long labors usually go, there is no doubt in my mind that it would have been a c-section in the hospital.
Hey folks?
The post is titled exhaustion because after such a long few days at work, this is how *I* felt. This blog is not about the women I work with, its about my journey. I will probably not be sharing details about this birth with you because it's not my birth. I hope that you can please understand that while many, many many cesarean sections are iatrogenic or result from a cascade of interventions, or a diagnosis of "maternal exhaustion" this one was caused by none of the above.
It sucks when this happens. But sometimes, despite everyones best efforts(and I mean that to the fullest extent possible), even when mother's anatomy has nothing to do with it, sometimes babies don't come out.
It's hard to accept (I've struggled with it myself) but as Housefairy can tell you, sometimes babies need an alternative exit.
Peace to you all on Sunday morning.
XxMorag
((Hugs for Morag))
I think people forget that you are a STUDENT midwife. Wouldn't have been your call to make in any case.
yup. it happens.
at least the end result was good and hopefully y'all do VBACs.
Kudos to you Morag - sometimes they (babies) just won'tcome out - i've seen it twice now, & i'll see it many, many more times, of this I am positive.
Not all LSCS are horrible - & if we as women perpetuate this thought, then no wonder women are distraught after they have one.
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