Open Letter to Doin' It Right
Hi,
Today you posted a comment on the NY Times article which I posted here. I followed the link to see where you lived... It appears you are pretty severely fed up with breastfeeding. Fair enough, I've been there too on a few occasions. What I'm not sure about is how I feel about the fact that you linked to my blog under the sub-heading "Humiliation". Part of me wants to tell you to bugger off, but I'm not going to. Why? Because I think you made a couple of (at least semi-valid) points. Some of which I think my bottle-feeding mama (and grandmama) would wholeheartedly agree with.
Given that you have linked to my site (without my permission I have to say - a little blog ettiquette adjustment required perhaps?) I wanted to go on the record with the following: I have never, ever said I think that bottles and formula (henceforth referred to as artificial breastmilk) are the devil. I don't think that at all. I've even posted at Sisterhood Six about the great things about bottle feeding. Those of you who follow my blog know I have had my fair share of breastfeeding woes. I sucked at it (no pun intended) the first time around and I'm one mother for whom it never really ever came easy to even when I got it right. When I finally abandoned my attempt to nurse my eldest and embraced the pain-free existance offered by the Avent bottle system and a large tin of artificial milk I was all for it. I would even say that had I read your blog then I would have thought that you were a soul sister writing just for me. But here's what I have to say to the women who follow your link to my blog.
I think breastfeeding is wonderful. It's so, so gratifying to know that not only does your body know how to create a little human, but it also knows how to nourish it. Your breasts, previously only good for free drinks and come-hither stuffing in a hot frock actually have a purpose. They use their powers for good! That said, breastfeeding, like motherhood is sometimes really hard. It can be painful and a bit messy at times. Sometimes it can even make you sick. Contrary to what you say on your blog it is not breastfeeding which causes sleep deprivation, it's just what happens when you have babies. Babies just don't sleep like grown-ups. If you want to get up close and personal with that go talk to Jen over at Sisterhood Six who recently swapped to artificial milk and her baby is sleeping worse than she was when she was breastfed. So I do question your assertion that bottle-fed babies = vast quantities of sleep for parents. That simply isn't the case. Though I wish it had been when I switched my son to artificial breastmilk.
It's also not as if it's the hardest thing we as mothers will ever do for our children. For me and the millions of women around the world who keep at it even when it's challenging the rewards of a sweet face nursing at your breast, the ability to feed your baby when there is no clean water supply, no bottles or no money for artificial breastmilk make the hurdles more than worthwhile. When we mama bloggers write about the challenges of breastfeeding we do so because there are so many women out there who have been there and who understand. I also write for those mamas who will one day find themselves at 3am up for the twentieth time, trying to master a good latch and wondering if it's worth it. I want to say to those mama's , yes it's worth it, keep going! You'll get there. I for one share my stories so that women will not feel blindsided by the fact that, for some women nursing is tricky, and not at all intuitive. I also want them to know that it's worth persevering, and struggling to overcome the barriers to nursing which women face in the United States. I fight for the right of women to feed her baby anyway she wants to and that includes sticking up for them if they have no clean place to pump or are forced to throw their milk away for no good reason. That was why I cross-posted the article. I know how hard the author worked for that milk, I recognize how sad and frustrated it must have made her.
I also believe in your right to feed your baby artificial breastmilk.
If artificial breastmilk is what is right for you and your baby then that's great. I for one, do not judge you. I recognize that real breastmilk is not the be-all and end-all. It takes more than a food group to raise a healthy, happy child. I do think that the blogosphere needs a bottle-feeding refuge. I know personally how judged I felt when I gave up my first struggle to breastfeed. I felt that everyone was looking at me thinking "She should be nursing that baby". I felt angry and judged and hurt. I realize now though that that was largely in my head because after the age of 6 months of age most mothers feed their babies artificial breastmilk. You, my dear, are in the majority when it comes to breast v's bottle. You're right, it's not cool (anymore) to feed artifical breastmilk proudly, so kudos for being politically incorrect if that's what is working for you. But please don't come around slamming nursing mamas. I'm not slamming you.
Be well,
Louisa
MamaMidwife
Today you posted a comment on the NY Times article which I posted here. I followed the link to see where you lived... It appears you are pretty severely fed up with breastfeeding. Fair enough, I've been there too on a few occasions. What I'm not sure about is how I feel about the fact that you linked to my blog under the sub-heading "Humiliation". Part of me wants to tell you to bugger off, but I'm not going to. Why? Because I think you made a couple of (at least semi-valid) points. Some of which I think my bottle-feeding mama (and grandmama) would wholeheartedly agree with.
Given that you have linked to my site (without my permission I have to say - a little blog ettiquette adjustment required perhaps?) I wanted to go on the record with the following: I have never, ever said I think that bottles and formula (henceforth referred to as artificial breastmilk) are the devil. I don't think that at all. I've even posted at Sisterhood Six about the great things about bottle feeding. Those of you who follow my blog know I have had my fair share of breastfeeding woes. I sucked at it (no pun intended) the first time around and I'm one mother for whom it never really ever came easy to even when I got it right. When I finally abandoned my attempt to nurse my eldest and embraced the pain-free existance offered by the Avent bottle system and a large tin of artificial milk I was all for it. I would even say that had I read your blog then I would have thought that you were a soul sister writing just for me. But here's what I have to say to the women who follow your link to my blog.
I think breastfeeding is wonderful. It's so, so gratifying to know that not only does your body know how to create a little human, but it also knows how to nourish it. Your breasts, previously only good for free drinks and come-hither stuffing in a hot frock actually have a purpose. They use their powers for good! That said, breastfeeding, like motherhood is sometimes really hard. It can be painful and a bit messy at times. Sometimes it can even make you sick. Contrary to what you say on your blog it is not breastfeeding which causes sleep deprivation, it's just what happens when you have babies. Babies just don't sleep like grown-ups. If you want to get up close and personal with that go talk to Jen over at Sisterhood Six who recently swapped to artificial milk and her baby is sleeping worse than she was when she was breastfed. So I do question your assertion that bottle-fed babies = vast quantities of sleep for parents. That simply isn't the case. Though I wish it had been when I switched my son to artificial breastmilk.
It's also not as if it's the hardest thing we as mothers will ever do for our children. For me and the millions of women around the world who keep at it even when it's challenging the rewards of a sweet face nursing at your breast, the ability to feed your baby when there is no clean water supply, no bottles or no money for artificial breastmilk make the hurdles more than worthwhile. When we mama bloggers write about the challenges of breastfeeding we do so because there are so many women out there who have been there and who understand. I also write for those mamas who will one day find themselves at 3am up for the twentieth time, trying to master a good latch and wondering if it's worth it. I want to say to those mama's , yes it's worth it, keep going! You'll get there. I for one share my stories so that women will not feel blindsided by the fact that, for some women nursing is tricky, and not at all intuitive. I also want them to know that it's worth persevering, and struggling to overcome the barriers to nursing which women face in the United States. I fight for the right of women to feed her baby anyway she wants to and that includes sticking up for them if they have no clean place to pump or are forced to throw their milk away for no good reason. That was why I cross-posted the article. I know how hard the author worked for that milk, I recognize how sad and frustrated it must have made her.
I also believe in your right to feed your baby artificial breastmilk.
If artificial breastmilk is what is right for you and your baby then that's great. I for one, do not judge you. I recognize that real breastmilk is not the be-all and end-all. It takes more than a food group to raise a healthy, happy child. I do think that the blogosphere needs a bottle-feeding refuge. I know personally how judged I felt when I gave up my first struggle to breastfeed. I felt that everyone was looking at me thinking "She should be nursing that baby". I felt angry and judged and hurt. I realize now though that that was largely in my head because after the age of 6 months of age most mothers feed their babies artificial breastmilk. You, my dear, are in the majority when it comes to breast v's bottle. You're right, it's not cool (anymore) to feed artifical breastmilk proudly, so kudos for being politically incorrect if that's what is working for you. But please don't come around slamming nursing mamas. I'm not slamming you.
Be well,
Louisa
MamaMidwife
posted by Louisa at 3:21 PM
2 Comments:
As a little postscript, the blog of the owner I addressed this post to has closed her blog to most readers. Only allowing invited readers access.
Thanks to all the folks who emailed me letting me know that they had commented to her blog before it was closed. I do think that the owner should have been a bit more circumspect in posting not only to my site but also to a bunch of other strong BFing mothers. She obviously expected our adamant disagreement but I suspect that she may not have expected us to encourage her participation in this discussion.
Perhaps when she has more reasoned arguments to make for her case she might have the courage to open her blog once more.
It's too bad this blog has been closed to the public, I'm very curious about it.
I hate to admit it, but before I had a baby I could be rather judgemental towards women who formula feed. I had no idea how difficult and painful breastfeeding can sometimes be. You are absolutely right that there is a lot more to parenting than the whole breast/bottle issue.
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